eh i dunno, just bored. nothin much to say. glad that i was finally able to download some more paintings before i put them up for sale. still got about 3 or 4 more to go. ok thats it bye!

oh!! before i forget, thanks santosam81 for faving "random shit" i'm a big fan of yours! (^~^).

ok now im done. byebye!!!

Its been a while since I've last updated my journal, I dunno, maybe 5 months???
things have been so crazy around here lately, I'm not even sure how to start. Ok. Well I last left off with breaking up with my ex-, and from there everything just went insane.

SITUATION 2: ONE MONTH AFTER THE BREAKUP, ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE

I fell for this other guy as i was trying to heal, and this psychotic bitch from hell tried to brake us up because she felt that he was her property or something. Then this whole war started up between me and the bitch and we were at it for weeks. she tried to destroy one of my statues from our art class, but I ended up finding out from, believe it or not, my ex-, and was able to save it before she could do anything to it. friends started picking sides, things blew out of control, and I almost lost it to a point that I was about to do something drastic or run off. but somehow I didn't, and just ended up sticking around. Unfortunately, me and the guy broke up after maybe a few weeks because we both felt that the drama was too much, but he was understanding, and we continued to stay friends.



I decided to take a break from the whole dating thing and finally got back in touch with my friends again, since i hadn't really talked to them since my first breakup.



SITUATION 3: BEST-FRIENDS, CUTS, AND STALKERS

Three months go by and things were going pretty well up until one of my guy friends ended up approaching me one night. soon enough, we were "going out" somewhat, cant even call it that. Things seemed normal for a relationship up until this one day in school that he was all depressed and he wouldn't tell me why. After that, he started to avoid me. The way he was acting was getting me really worried, angry, and depressed. I thought its was something I said or did that got him like that but I couldn't think of anything that could have put him against me so horribly. It was like he was afraid to even look at me in the hallways. Soon I fell back into my old habits of cutting and drastic thoughts. I was miserable for months. My friends didn't know what to do. I started going off on my own, walking through the parks near my school during class to cut, starved my self, cried every-night, it was hell.

throughout all of this, I would meet my best friend John. He'd help me out of he hole that i fell into just before I rotted to death in it. He'd also become part of the plan that would tell me the real reason why this asshole was avoiding me. I had him go up and ask about how we were doing as a couple and mention that he hadn't seen us together for a while. John comes back to me later that day and tells me that this asshole thinks I'm stalking him, since he said that I was "following him around". I couldn't even believe it. The Fucker lead me on to believe that he liked me and then calls me a stalker to get out of the relationship instead of just saying that he wanted to break up with me. Next thing you know, the jackass is sending John death threats and tries to get and girl, I REPEAT, a girl to jump john, who lucky, happens to be one of his friends and didn't do it. He was trying to get other people to fight his own battles, instead of fighting them himself.

What i find extremely ironic about the whole thing is that the same bitch who ruined my second relationship, had gone out with the asshole the summer before and did the same exact thing to him. Ever since then, he was never the same, he started acting weird, detached; he hadn't talked to anyone in months. And He has the fucking audacity to do something like this to me when he knew exactly how it felt to be hurt like that. I don't know if it was some sort of mental revenge against her to hurt me or if he just freaked at the thought of going out with me, but he completely destroyed my mental state of being . I'll never forgive him for it, and even though I'm a pacifist and tend to let even big situations like this go, I highly doubt I'll ever be friends with him again. The pansy needs to learn how to fight off those fucking mental monsters that have him locked up in this shell that got him to do shit like this in the first place. I cant wait for the day that He grows some balls and wants to talk to me, because I'm gonna kick his sorry ass, and shove all of this shit at him to prove that he's nothing but a sleazy fucktard.

PRESENT DAY: SCHOOLS OVER AND I BE FREE!!!!

Now everything is (somewhat) back to normal. There hasn't been any drama lately, other then seeing my senior friends have to graduate and leave me. (which i didn't even get to see because i had to work over time for my dad. i was crying for days). I wished them all farewell and good luck in college. most of my friends are going down the shore for the summer months and one of my friends is in india until August. That pretty much just left me a John together. We've been hanging out at least a couple of times a week, just fooling around and having a great time. I realize now that John may have been the greatest thing to ever happen to me. Without him i would have been so lost and dejected. I'm god-honest glad to have met him. With out him I would have probably done something truly insane and paid the ultimate price for it. I would have been long gone by now and wouldn't even be writing this. John, your the greatest friend that I've ever had and I know that there's never going to be anyone as honest and as caring as you in this world. Your the only best-friend i'll ever have
TARMACK AND MAULER-BEE 4 EVAR!!!!!!!
and dont worry, i'll love ya to death, no matter how CROOKED you are! (lol. inside joke, don't ask)

well, anyway, thats all for now. I'm looking forward to this summer. I can tell that It's going to be a good one. I'll keep you posted every now and then, but for now I'm tired and I'm going to bed. goodnight

(-^~^-)

i friggin hate valentines day. its the one holiday i wish would die with the rest of friggin society on doomsday. my boyfriend and i recently broke up and you can tell im still hurting. its not that i miss him anymore, its that he didn't have the balls to tell me the real reason why he wanted to end it. within a week of us breaking up, he already has a new girlfriend. SLEEZY FUCKTARD. oh trust me, whenever i can, im gonna make his life a living, breathing hell. Well now that ive been more emotional and depressed, ive been able to do allot more drawings that im planning on submitting when i get a chance to use my scanner. ive just been too swamped with work to do any thing lately.

YYYYYEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!! Finaly put up a new drawing! I'm so friggin happy right now! I finally got the scanner I've been wanting for Chistmas and I just got done hooking it up on Sunday. got to go I'll update tommorow

dear god how ive neglected this. so its been, what, 3 months since i last updated my journal, let alone uploaded anything. i have had some serious artists block since i last wrote. i lost all creative drive or need to draw something. i've had no time for drawing or myself in the past few months. all my summer has been is working a 35 to 40 hour weekly shift at my dads office ever since the last secratary quit. if its not my job, its my sister constantly crying for attention. i cant really complain since she's only about 9 months old and she doesnt know any better but it really keeps me from being able to do anything. thank god i have this little moment of peace to myself when i should really be cleaning my room. my mothers going to kill me and let me hear no end to her god-be-damned ranting but its a small price to pay for a llittle self indulgence. if only i had a scanner, i would have been able to put up 2 scratchboard etchings i made just before school let out. it would have been able to keep some watchers pacified for a while. but by now most of them would have forgoten they added me. theres only one week left befor i go back to pityless hellhole they call "school" and ive got some serious making up to do before i go back. i promise somehow im going to put up at least a sketch weather it takes me 2 days or a month, something is going to up on this web page